Surrender is important because grief is not a problem to solve….We are not broken.
When we try to fight grief, our nervous system stays in survival mode. I have noticed in my own journey that grief when I resisit surrender I am telling myself things like “I should be handling this better” Or You should be further along than you are” That resistence is only creating a second layer to the pain of loss.
I think there is this thought that if we surrender to this, it means we are giving up or even approving of our loss. But, that is far from the truth of things. Surrendering is really just stopping that war with reality.
Here’s why surrender matters so much in grief—especially in widowhood:
1. Surrender calms the nervous system
After loss, the brain is on high alert. I typically say that your brain is designed to listen to what you tell it, surrender signals safety. It says, “I am allowed to feel this and I don’t need to fix this” It softens the anxiety and the overwhelm.
2. Surrender reduces self-judgment
I have heard widows say things like “I should be further along than this” “Why can’t I move forward” “What is wrong with me?” “I am
Surrender replaces that with, Of course this is makes sense, I loved deeply and I am learning how to walk with this.
That shift alone creates relief.
3. Surrender allows grief to move instead of getting stuck
I have read that “What we resist tends to harden.” What would it look like for us to allow the tears and the waves to rise and fall as we walk with our grief? Surrender allows grief to move…. instead of staying stuck in our nervous system.
4. Surrender creates gentleness
This genleness that we desire comes from an intention to create a space that says..This is enough for today, instead of pushing through the day. Gentleness is truly where healing begins.
5. Surrender makes room for what comes next—without forcing it
We don’t need to know what the future holds, it feels like we have to figure it all out, but when you surrender you are allowing your nervous system to slow down and simply say: I am here with what is now, I am going to trust myself with all of the next steps and it will reveal itself in the right moment for me.For widows, surrender is not weakness.
It’s wisdom, Would you say that you have more wisdom now after this loss? We know how fragile life is and we can see things with a different lens because of it.
A simple way to surrender is:
I don’t need to hold myself to a higher standard. I am grieving and what I am feeling makes sense. I am safe and I am allowed to let it unfold the way it will.
Hugs to you my friend! Ps…Grab my Gentle Grief Guide Today!
